Birth info not easily obtained by adoptees
RegDay serves to inform residents about adoption information hurdles
BY CHRIS MURINO Staff Writer
Mirah Riben just wants to educate people, that's all. Riben, a member of Origins-USA, a national nonprofit organization working to support families affected by adoption, tried to do just that on Nov. 10 at a small table at the entrance of the A&P on Milltown Road in North Brunswick. Riben did this as part of RegDay, an annual event to inform people that adopted people cannot access their birth certificates.

"For the general public, a lot of people have no clue that adoptees have no access to their birth certificates," Riben said. "Most people, once they're made aware of it, say it's not fair. It's a violation of their civil rights."

The issue has been in the New Jersey Legislature for more than 30 years.

"The largest opposition to opening the records is from the National Council For Adoption (NCFA)," Riben said.

The NCFA's Web site specifies that they are in full support of mutual consent registry laws, but believe that the adopted person should not get access to his or her birth certificate if the birth parent would rather have privacy.

"Only five states have equal access to birth certificates," Riben said. "Maine just passed legislation, but it won't be [in effect] until 2009."

Riben gave up her first-born child, Alicia, to adoption in 1968. Alicia killed herself when she was 27.

"It's been 40 years and I barely go a day without thinking about it," Riben said. "It's affected every part of my life."

"It's not all that unusual," Riben continued. "There's a disproportionate amount of suicides in adoptees. There are many in mental health facilities. It adds an extra difficulty in life."

Riben also wants to make people aware that they can find their birth parents or their birth children if they want to.

"There's a free mutual consent registry at ISRR.net," Riben said. "If both people are interested in meeting each other, they can meet up."

Parents and adoptees who are at least 18 years old can register at the International Soundex Reunion Registry (ISRR). The system involves computerizing the information for each registrant, and people are notified when a matching relationship is found.

Kristen Petela, 23, who sat with Riben at their information booth, found her birth parents through the Web site. She found her mother on April 1, 2005, after her mother had reached out to her, sending her a letter.

"She didn't want to stay hidden," Petela said. "I met her in July. I took the 19- hour drive to Wisconsin."

It has not been easy, however.

"We have continued to see each other, but it's not cheap to fly out there," she said. "We see each other every six months; we talk on the phone a lot. It's worked out well for me."

However, it is not usually so easy to make a connection through the Web site.

"Odds are one in 9,000," Riben said. "It's a small percentage."

Riben has been advocating for open birth records for a long time, and she says it helps her channel her emotions.

"I can't not do it," Riben said. "So, it's kind of like working towards peace or world hunger. It's hard, but you know in your heart you're doing something."

"Even if it's not helping us now, it's helping someone else," Petela added.